Mothering Day

The days leading up to Mother's Day pack an intense punch some years. As a momma with no babies of her own, it's almost always a struggle every second Sunday in May for me. From the pulpit on Mother's Day, we *always* hear there is nothing a woman can do in this life that is greater than becoming a mother. Sigh. Yes, I know. But what I also hear, using that logic, is "Candace, there is nothing you can do in this life that will matter as much as that woman, or that woman, or your mom, or your sister, or your best friend..." That dad-gum Satan will whisper whatever stings the most, won't he? I'm working on building up so that narrative won't have the same impact anymore. And honestly, it doesn't have the same impact that it used to. The sting has lessened dramatically, and that is a very good thing.

In my work to overcome those feelings of "less than," I turn to my Savior. He is such a champion of women! I LOVE reminders from the scriptures, the prophets and apostles, and other leaders who are aware that Satan is tricky in how he gets women to think and feel about themselves. Motherhood is just one of his favorite targets.

I think about how the Savior surely loves and champions women. To whom did He first appear after the crucifixion? Mary Magdalene. He loved His mother. He healed women. He was friends with women, when I'm thinking it probably wasn't too cool to be friends with women in that time. He taught women. He protected women. He loved women... and children. Jesus is marvelous indeed.

I think about so many strong women in interesting positions of authority and influence in my world. Eliza R. Snow is a magnificent example of strength, beauty, devotion, intelligence, and talent. She was the head of the Relief Society, a wife of the prophet Joseph, and a childless mother--like me. Wendy Watson Nelson, accomplished, beautiful, witty, articulate, and on the arm of the prophet himself. Wendy is also a childless mother, like me. (Here is one of my favorite "Aunt Wendy" moments.) Sharon Eubank is a dynamo of a woman! She is the epitome of service and savvy. She is educated, dedicated, strong, self-reliant, faithful, and she is also a childless mother like me. I could go on and on with a list of women, but these are the first few who come to mind.

So many faithful women in my adulthood have served very visibly in the Church and are childless mothers like me. What does that say about women who don't have children? I think it says that the Lord just loves and trusts faithful women. He loves all women, but faithful women have His trust too. It would be absolutely absurd for anyone to say that Sister Wendy is "less than" because she hasn't given birth to babies. To quote Eliza R. Snow, "The thought makes reason stare!" So why on earth do so many girls in my position feel this way? Dad-gum Satan, that's why.

I'm still working on loving myself appropriately. I'm working on self-mastery. I know that in order to feel love for myself properly, I must show love for myself properly. In the pattern of first acting in faith with the miracle and testimony to follow, acting like I love myself first is necessary to actually loving myself. In that vein, I've decided to lose weight and treat my body better altogether. President Russell M. Nelson's talk "Self Mastery" from October 1985 General Conference has helped me in my quest to truly own my decisions and to take better care of myself. Although I appreciate wearing smaller sizes and seeing a bit of a physical change in the mirror, my favorite part about losing weight is that I am the one that actually did it. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm proud of myself, but I'm definitely pleased with myself for having done it. I have a long way to go still, but I know I am capable now. That knowledge, strange as it sounds, has increased my capacity to love myself.

Loving myself more allows me to cut myself some slack. My quest for self-mastery also changes the narrative in my head. I hear proper words of truth a bit more clearly and loudly now than I did before I officially got down and dirty in my quest. With hearing words of truth more, I hear words of deception a bit less. And because I hear those negative words less frequently and intensely, I'm quicker to recognize them when they do come. Being able to identify them gives me the power and ability to banish them that much quicker, and with that much less damage done. Oh thank God for that!

So, back to Mother's Day. I still want to be a mom. That will never change. On Mother's Day I will still shed a tear or two, I'm sure. However, I do not dread the day. I love to honor mothers. Women are wonderful! I honor the women in my life who mean so much to me. I try to make sure they know that I love them and am inspired by their lives and how they mother. There are so many marvelous women in my sphere! Some have children and some are childless mothers like me. I say childless mothers because women, by divine design, have been created to be mothers. Women mother (verb). It's our nature, our divine nature. I have loved, cared for, protected, taught, shepherded, praised, reproved, cuddled, read to, bathed, clothed, rocked, nurtured, healed, chaperoned, chauffeured, served, listened to, talked to, sung to, danced with, scolded, grounded, cheered on, fed, cried with, and cried for an awful lot of God's children... lots of them were still children too. I never got to name a single child. I never birthed a live child, adopted a child, or fostered a child. But no one can ever say I didn't love a child or mother a child. I have and I do. It's one of my greatest joys, no matter what stupid Satan keeps trying to get me to believe.